now that the words have been said, you’d think my soul would rest easy. instead, i wonder if they were meant or out of apathy. it’s twisted and fucked that i can’t just take it at face value. but there are so many different meanings. i guess now what i want to hear is that i am so in love with you it’s crazy. like the world could stop and i wouldn’t notice crazy. the illogical kind that makes you want to walk to the ends of the globe to prove your love. we always want more. funny how that works. we get what we want and then we push for more; i pushed immediately for the meaning, does this mean you deeply care about me or that your in love with me? to me, there are distinct differences. it”s the difference between deeply caring for someone and only having eyes for one person despite all the flaws. it’s adoration in the flaws. it’s all about the little things. and for me, i’m head over heels over head over heels and i just want to know if i am able to hold someone accountable to the same level.
i love him and i know it. keeping these words inside are eating me alive. it’s about to bubble out here soon. but i think it will come out wrong. what i will say is everything but what needs to be said. i will say that i am scared and that this is too good to be true. and it’s the truth, i feel a bit like a bird on a branch that is about to break and i might crash to the ground or i might use my wings. i am scared… scared that i will scare him. scared that we aren’t on the same page that i am falling faster. scared that we won’t get to the same page. i am not even sure that i need him to reciprocate. i just want it known. i don’t want to say it all the time. i don’t want to wear it out. i want the words to hold their value. i want it known that i know what i am saying and what i am feeling. but i think if you love someone you should tell them. so for now i will just be love. radiate love.